Nice to meet you Mr Bell

It is only by spending time alone that you get to meet the real you. For most of my life I have hid behind my humour and it is only now that I have actually got to embrace the real me. I have found there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Spending time alone gives you time to think about what is important to you. I realise now that the thing that has defined me over the last 20 years is work, indeed I don't do anything else (and that admission gives me a sense of where I have become lost) I feel it might be to do with my background. A career to me was very important, I have measured everything in my life by this barometer. Unfortunately I thought everyone else would use the same measure to judge me as a person, but of course life is not like that. I have come to the conclusion that I listen often without hearing much. Mrs T once claimed I lived in a place called 'John's World' and of course you never really know a place until you leave it, and I have to say that there was a little truth in some of her observations. In life we always want to please people around us so we say and do the things that make other people happy and it is often at the expense of our own happiness. My job is a prime example of this, I work tirelessly for the benefit of others, children, parents, colleagues and dare I say it family as well. When we do this we often leave ourselves neglected, tired, and asking ourselves the question 'why did I bother'? So the time on my own has made me a more inward looking person (and this is not altogether great news as I didn't realise I had so many faults) this time has made me grow up quicker than I wanted to and I lament the loss of my child like qualities. However it is what it is and we must take the positives where we can. So I will still continue to work hard, still continue my inane sillyness, but be aware of who I am and try to celebrate my identity rather than trying to create a new one. I mean why should I , John Bell is lovely and me and this guy are going to die together with our boots on.

John