22 years since my dad died and 3 years since my mum died (so a sort of 25 year anniversary of being parentless)

Oh well feeling poetic to mark the occasion.

I wanted to go to Heaven

I wanted to go to heaven because it's better than down here
thought it might erase my fear,
thought it might create some hope
but the soul's not cleaned by a chunk of morality soap

I thought it might explain all my feelings
remove the walls and uncreate ceilings
but the more I think of such destiny
I come to realise there's no friends there for me

My mother went there on a cold winters day
but if I bumped into her what would I say?
Just continue the silence or ask things that hurt
she'd probably not recognise me like the dust and the earth

My dads up there and his room is quite old
if I stood by him I'd probably just fold
he'd look at the person he probably made
and then looked down at earth and wished that I'd stayed

Maybe I'm there and watching this farce
knowing every second what's coming to pass
maybe I know that the past can't be mended
but say it so quietly so my souls not offended

so the truth about Heaven is pretty plain to see
there isn't a place up there for me
not now or later I think the chance is blown
Because if I end up there i'll end up alone

John Bell