I posed some questions, now I have some answers

A while back I was wondering about certain questions, but sadly I was given no enlightenment. Anyway here are some answers that have been held back from the general populus.

1) 98% of the English population have never read Shakespeare and the other 2% are lying about it (for the record King Lear is not about a fighter plane and Troillus and Cressida are not herbs)
2) No it is not true that someone has finished their PHD in the 4 year time span allotted (and by the way the guys who do the viva look at only the first 5 lines and the last 2, so stick in a few pictures and a couple of jokes and you will be a Dr before you know it)
3) Yes you did look better at 8.30 last night than you do at 8.30 in the morning. The deceit of Estee Lauder knows no limits
4) You will only be respected in the morning if you were respected the night before
5) Walking holidays are only for people without any personality
6) No girls you do not understand the offside rule in the same way I don't know how to clean an oven.
7) Rap music was invented to make pop stars of people who cannot sing.
8) You can't have a World series if only America and Canada play.
9) Speed cameras are not about safety, they are about increasing revenues for local councils.
10) A 2;2 in any degree conclusively proves that you were better at drinking than you were at your chosen academic subject.
11) Gwok Kwan cannot make a fat person look good naked no matter how much he tries to convince us otherwise.
12) Shouting loudly and slowly in English is not the equivalent of speaking a foreign language with consumate ease.
13) When millions of people die in a war it is then offensive to call it the Great war.
14) Yes I am from Liverpool but I cannot get you any dodgy electrical equipment.
There are so many other answers I have, but I feel my head wil explode, so I will stop there.

John