Hobbies, the choice is so astoundingly dull

The problem with reflecting is that it often takes you to places you would rather avoid. I have always tried to avoid hobbies as I find people who have new ones are identical to those who have just discovered religion, they tell us how marvellous it is and why we should try it, well I don't want to fly a kite on a February morning on Cromer beach and I don't want to feel the spirit within me, both thoughts leave me uncomfortably nauseous. However I have considered some hobbies. Golf, well whoever said it was a good walk spoiled is talking nonsense, it isn't even a good walk. You hit the ball away from you and then just after you have exhausted yourself catching up with it you hit it again. No I will leave golf for people in the last one twelfth of their lifetimes. Fishing? Oh please, what is the point, it is simply for people who like eating packed lunches on river banks, 4 hours of waiting for the ugliest living thing to bite on your maggot (another good reason not to do it) no Fishing is like visiting a library with no books. Ballroom dancing? Well first of all you need to be at least a 100 to do it and judging by the tv programme you also need the ability to dress up in a way that will never attract even the most desperate of women, boyfriends might be a different story. No ballroom dancing should remain for single female pensioners dancing with other single female pensioners at Blackpool. Karaoke? Not a chance, this awful invention has only encouraged tuneless individuals to think that they sound like their hero pop star, ermm no you don't and I think most of you need to sing in a different key--------Torquay comes to mind as that is suitably far enough away from me so I don't have to hear your warblings. Painting? Well I would consider that if I could either paint or I could get myself to enjoy it. I never painted a wall in any home I lived in for 40 plus years, so why would I want to take it up as a hobby? Yes you see there are no hobbies, most of them are waiting rooms to the next life, and if the next life includes fishing, painting, karaoke, kite flying or anything that includes other people I will be telling the person coordinating next life experiences that I am an atheist and I'd like the other world if you don't mind.