Thursday 24 March 2011

Things that don't really mean what they sound like

The complexities of the English language have always offered me a great deal of confusion. For example if you say I like tea, it simply means that, no frills, no double meaning, it is what it is. But not all language is what it seems. When someone utters the phrase 'no disrespect meant' you know most certainly they are going to disrespect you in the harshest way possible. What they mean is I'd like to disrespect you but take no responsibility for my words. Another of my bugbear phrases is 'you are the nicest person I have ever met' an interesting one which is always followed by a but and is said 7 seconds before your current relationship is pronounced as flat lined by your relationship surgeon, example 'you are the nicest person I have ever met but I see myself going in a different direction, we have compatibility issues, the emotional link is no longer there, you smell or I like your Brother better. My teacher hated one has to do with 're-inventing the wheel' when they state something so blinkin obvious. Look we know you are not re-inventing the wheel as it was done a long time ago. I also hate in other words, only ever said by someone who talks too much, so in other words what I am trying to say is say it in the original words and then there will be no need to say it in any other words will there? My final protest against the language loathers is people who make up statistics to support unsupportable arguments, like 80% of people who read this blog find the blogger uncontrollably attractive. We know that 90% of statistics are made up apart from the one about my attraction. So no disrespect, but I need to go, in other words finish the blog, even though you people out there are the nicest people I have ever met and 36% of the Chinese population are known to agree with that.

John

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